When a shock happens

My mother died unexpectedly last month. It was a shock for all of us.  Many people have told me how beautiful she was and how she was a great friend. She was so jolly when my father was alive. And a fantastic cook too. Alas we she never really tried to get over my father’s death.  He was the love of her life and she was his too.

So I have been thinking about shocks. I reckon I have had a charmed life with not many shocks.  My diagnosis wasn’t really a shock as I had a good idea was coming.  My mother dying was a shock as well as my grandmother. I was living in Germany when my Granny had a massive stroke. It happened out of the blue. Despite the fact it was 2002 I can still remember hearing about it.

The same day my little son aged 4 went down a covered slide. For some reason another child has straddled the bottom of the slide. His legs were fine but my son was unconscious in a crumpled heap on the ground.  We were on an American base at the time but most people ignored my screams. A solitary person did come over to me and checked my son had come round and offered him a drink of water. I was so grateful.

i am trying to think of other shocks but they are few and far between.

So how am I now? I have a far more dramatic head tilt than last time. My gorgeous hairdresser cut my hair squint so I don’t look odd. Well I do but he was wonderful adapting. He did say it goes against anything he was taught.

What else is different? Well I now walk holding on with both hands and have a snazzy new rollator. I have a basic one upstairs provided by the Council. I use both. I am a lot more nippy with the snazzy one.

I even take that one outside. I love my ramp as steps are really tricky now. But I can head gleefully down the ramp.

I still bounce every morning.. I was put onto this by Dagmar Munn. Do look at her blog if you haven’t already. She is a great inspiration. I don’t quite do the same exercises as her and I do the duration of songs but I very nearly copy her. It is fun to bounce. I only change the way I start. I bounce with my feet down and just use my knees. It is a good warm up for me.

it is an exciting time here. Next week we will get my through floor lift. This was delayed due to the structural engineers but it is coming next week. Yippee. I can’t wait. My husband’s back is excited too. He helps me go upstairs at night and downstairs in the morning. I can balance on each step but can’t lift my feet to go upstairs so lift my right foot and he places it on the step above then hoiks me up to the stair above. You can see why his back yearns for the lift.

I have been told I will get a shock the first time I try the lift. But I don’t expect it to wobble. Watch this space to see if I get a shock.

What else has changed since I last wrote? My arms are weaker now although I credit bouncing for the fact I can still grip. This is useful for hydrotherapy as I can grip floats. This is very useful. I walk across the pool holding my arms with the floats in front of me.

I will go back to my mother’s funeral. I was in a wheelchair which is not something I enjoy. Needs must though. I think people who didn’t know me must have thought I was mentally handicapped as I sat in a wheelchair with tissue in my mouth. They shook my two brothers by the hand and ignored me. Those in the know hugged me or shook my hand. And we raised £745 as we collected at the funeral. Just great. I bumped down the path backwards to the grave. I even managed to hold a cord.

When we moved on to the wake I was relieved to find a ramp. I was parked at an empty table. This made me nervous. But people arrived swiftly to fill the table. I was thrilled. It gave me a chance to catch up with people. I was so impressed that my aunt and cousin had caught the sleeper the night before and travelled back the next night. But I loved catching up with people despite the sad occasion.

I really haven’t had much shock in my life. There was the Christmas my brother persuaded my parents that the perfect gift to receive jointly was Raving Bonkers. I was not impressed. I still bear a grudge today. The game involved one red robot and one blue. They boxed. It was a two person game. Whoever lost the head of their robot shot up. That bit was fun.

As you know I like to finish with a song. I was never a Bay City Rollers fan but this makes me laugh. Shang-A-Lang. I know another Susan, who was a fan, changed her name to Sioux. Far to ostentatious for me. I don’t know if she kept it up after school. I hope not.

About Susan

I am a middle aged woman wondering where all the normal middle aged people are. I don't want to regain my lost youth but nor am I ready to rush headlong into old age. I realise I am oldish rather than youngish but surely not actually old yet. So this is my chance to muse on my middle aged existence. This will save my teenage children from the horror of me musing on age spots or deteriorating eyesight which is surely a kindness. Now that I have been diagnosed with MND (ALS) this blog will have to change a bit, but I AM still middle aged too.

{10} Thoughts on “When a shock happens

  1. Poignant, insightful and funny as always Susan. Love and hugs to you all. Keep us posted about the lift. You’ll no doubt be zooming up and down it all day just because you can xxx

    • Pam, I am so excited about the lift. I imagine you’re right about zooming up and down. Alas I imagine it will be slow and steady but so excited if I zoom.

  2. I love that you always finish your blogs with an uplifting song, and what could me more uplifting than ‘Shang a lang’? I saw Eric Faulkner on stage a few years ago and he was actually very talented and funny. Sending you love and much enjoyment of your new lift xxxx

    • I am very impressed you saw Eric on stage {my L on the iPad is stuck so I can’t do his surname} and he was talented. Drat I got the L back too late. The lift is finally in touching distance. Yippee

  3. So sad about Trishia – a lovely cousin who will be missed by all the family. Your blog, as usual Susan, touches me and shows what a remarkable young woman you truly are – intelligent and witty! It must be your Welsh ancestry! xx

    • Mum was very jolly when Dad was alive. I am so glad you came all the way up to the funeral. You can think it is my Welsh ancestry all you like!!

  4. Great blog and glad you are still bouncing, have wheels ( especially the snazzy ones) and are looking forward to your lift. How about David Essex from the same era “Star” suits you perfectly. x

    • I like to bounce every morning. I am not sure about the song choice but will certainly consider. I am increasingly excited about my lift as they come tomorrow x

  5. Hi Susan, sorry to hear about your mum, I only met her the one time but was moved by how much the death of her husband, your father had such an effect….sometimes they find it difficult to carry on which is very sad…it took mum several years to come to terms with my dads death and she isn;t the same as she was before. It is soo hard on the ones they leave behind. Sending a big hug to you xx

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